Flowers for a Ghost
by SoddingMuses
Summary: Hawke and Anders had something but with one choice it exploded and is gone. Now after the fight at the Gallows Hawke has retreated into herself and her friends are having trouble reaching her with templars making ready. Post Hawke/Anders, Hawke/Seb


Title and quote are from the song Flowers for a Ghost by Thriving Ivory. A song I think that fits Dragon Age in general very well, and DA2 specifically. There was a request on the kink meme that caught my attention for this. "Hawke was romancing Anders, but killed him over the 'Chantry Incident' in Act 3. After everything that's happened, I want to see Hawke have a meltdown and be comforted by the entire party, or Fenris or Sebastian. (Sarcastic or Aggressive Hawke crying like they never cried before? Everything that happened over the last 7 years hit them like a ogre. This includes All that remains incident) Comfort sexings or not is up to anon."

Wish granted! I opted for Sebastian to be the main comforter since he seemed to fit that role far better than Fenris. The elf is awesome but feelings and comforting people are not his strong suit. Much thanks to my pal Rae for proofing this for me!

Hope you like it Mr/Ms Requester! Sadly I did not see smexy goodness in this entry of things, but I could see it in the future for them...

_**Flowers for a Ghost**_

"_I'm only human"_

Sebastian walked through the streets of Kirkwall with a philosophical mind. The streets were empty for now but he knew they would not be long. It was a waiting game that Knight-Captain Cullen played. With the death of Meredith and the Circle in pieces it was logical to wait for reinforcements and orders before doing anything. Sebastian knew though that it was not just that, the Knight-Captain was hoping his stalling would give Hawke a chance to leave the city in peace, before another commander came and had her and the others under arrest. They would all be put on trial for aiding and abetting mages!

Maker forgive, he could hardly believe he was included in all this. It was certainly the last thing he had expected when he stayed to try and rejoin the Chantry after Hawke helped him bring his family's killers to justice. Not that the Grand Cleric had allowed him in back yet before...

That bastard Anders... at least Hawke had done the right thing in executing him. Sebastian was only sorry for the devastation the damned mage's actions had caused the rest of Kirkwall, and from the rumors starting up possibly the rest of the world. He needed to get back to Starkhaven quickly, if only to keep the conflict from destroying his home. He hoped that perhaps a peaceful solution to things could be found there and serve as a shining example for the rest of the world. That Anders was wrong and compromise was possible.

So...why was he still here?

He opened the door to the Amell estate and was immediately reminded as he looked about. There was Aveline, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed in frustration. Her husband Donnic standing with her and looking worried as he glanced upstairs time to time. Fenris brooding as he paced back and forth by the window, looking out for trouble. Isabela sitting and trying to comfort a distressed Merrill.

Varric looked up at him from his spot, sitting in an arm chair he must have dragged out by the fire with Hawke's hound Maric laying forlorn next to him. The dwarf had been polishing his prized crossbow and Sebastian was sure that it was not just chance that it was pointed at the door, aimed so it would shoot anyone walking in through the chest.

"About time you got here Choir Boy. I was starting to think the templars were marching already on us." Varric said as he stood up, holstering Bianca on his back. "So, is there any good news for us or is it bad like it usually is?"

"A bit of both to be honest," Sebastian replied as all eyes focused on him. He had been the logical choice for finding out what the templars and the Chantry were doing. He did not like it but the logic of the matter was sound. "The templars are not moving yet. They are waiting. We have a clean getaway but it will not last long. Rumors are already abound about templars marching on the roads. If we are going to leave, now would be a good time."

"Well we have my ship thankfully. Templars aren't the best of swimmers in that armor of theirs," Isabela piped up.

Merrill looked back and forth at people, the thought of leaving distressing her greatly. "But what about Hawke? She hasn't come out of that room since we got here after...well Meredith went all stoned and things..."

"We might have to leave her behind..." Fenris said then, his quiet voice flat and cutting through the silence much like his sword.

Everyone looked at Fenris like he had lost his mind worse than Meredith. The elf met all their looks with an expressionless face.

"You're a right cold bastard Fenris," Isabela stated with a glare.

"I did not say I would like leaving her behind," Fenris growled out as he shifted restlessly. "Perhaps you all are unfamiliar with all the traumas she has suffered in the last number of years. I could see it in her eyes though with how she kept charging after Meredith, even with those statues pummeling us. She wants to die. Anders' actions at the Chantry may have done what the rest of Thedas could not. Broke her beyond repair or help. In that case...it would be far better to simply give her what she wants." His hands reflexively reached back to touch the hilt of his sword. The Sword of Mercy Hawke had given him not very long ago.

"No," Aveline stated pulling herself straight and standing toe to toe with the elf. "We are not doing anything of the like and the next person to say anything like that is going to be hanging from the rafters by a very short rope. Bethany is with her now. Surely if anyone can get Hawke moving it will be the family she has left."

As if on cue there was a loud thwack from a door colliding with a wall. Everyone could hear muttering as boot heels clicked on the steps leading to them.

"You were saying?" Varric asked looking at Aveline.

Bethany Hawke was in a right state as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Her hair showed signs of having had hands run through it and her eyes were red as tears stained her face. She looked rather like everyone did. Tired, afraid, upset, and frustrated that they could not seem to snap Hawke out of her state.

"She is still refusing to speak then?" Aveline asked sounding defeated.

"Oh she spoke alright," Bethany said sounding angry as her grip tightened on her staff. "It was all of the go away and leave me alone variety though."

"At least she spoke," Merrill piped up sounding hopeful. "Now if we can just get her to move..."

Bethany looked at Sebastian then upon hearing Merrill's words. "We don't have long then?"

The noble shook his head in a negative, leading the mage to sigh and pinch the bridge of her nose for a moment before she spoke up again. "Very well then. I want everyone to go pack their things and get on Isabela's boat. We're leaving when the tide gets in and if my dear sister has not started moving her ass by then..." The younger Hawke sister stopped and everyone could see tears threatening to choke her. Bethany was not her sister, but that ability to lead and survive was instilled in her as well.

"You need help liberating anything from the Gallows there sweetness?" Isabela asked in an effort to pull Bethany's thoughts from her sister.

The circle mage was quiet for a split second, as if thinking, before she shook her head. "No, I will collect a few things from the house here and meet you on the ship."

"Are we really doing this?" Varric asked as if he could not believe his ears. "Leaving Hawke behind?"

"Yes, because she would have wanted us to live instead of be dragged down by herself," Bethany stated, steel entering her tone and making everyone start for the door to do as she told them. "Sebastian, I would like a word with you though."

The Chantry brother rose a brow curiously but stayed as the others left wondering what Bethany wanted with him. The mage did not wait long after the other had departed. Her staff was on her back as she waved for him to follow and set about gathering things from the library.

"You haven't spoken to my sister yet," Bethany said as she browsed things, pulling this and that out.

"Ah...I thought she might prefer the company of her near and dear friends as opposed to..."

"The man that pushed for her lover's execution? Varric told me," Bethany said, heat clinging to the words as she planted a selection of books with more force than needed on the desktop.

"There...is that," Sebastian admitted reluctantly.

"And that had nothing to do with say...how you look at my sister when she's not paying attention?"

The noble was taken aback at that statement, looking confused and shocked that Bethany would say such a thing. "Excuse me?"

"I pieced it together from a few things the others told me about you. Aveline told me how you seemed to have problems deciding a role. To be a prince, which would have put you in Starkhaven and away from my sister or a brother, which leaves you here. Yet the Grand Cleric refused to let you back in after handling your family matters."

Bethany shot him a glare out of the corner of her eye then. "Isabela told me details you had confessed to her about your past. Personality and habits do not change with one's position, I know that for a fact. Yet you pull on the position of Brother like you wear your armor. Fenris told me how you wanted to turn Anders and Merrill in to the templars but you preferred to stay silent, it seems, instead of butting heads with my sister. Merrill told me of how you would sometimes glare at Anders like you wanted him to fall off the face of Thedas and constantly got into disagreements with him. It was Varric though that really clued me in. You were too clean he said. You made his nose twitch. You claimed honesty, but you were not completely, were you."

Sebastian was frowning by the end of Bethany's rant. "Just what are you trying to say here?"

"I am saying that I think the dirt Varric kept looking for is right there, under the armor. Lying is a sin, but that does not just mean lying to others."

"You want me to use this...imagined crush you seem to think I have on Hawke to pull her out of her state? Bethany..."

The mage held up her hand to stall his words. "If it's there then by all means please. None of the rest of us have had any luck. I don't care if it's my imagination or real. You're a brother of the Chantry, you should be able to convince a grieving woman to move on should you not?"

She had him there. He had counseled the grieving before, but this one...it was too close to him for him to be objective about it. Anders deserved his damned fate while Elthina had not deserved hers. "I do not know if there is anyone that can help her, Bethany."

"I know, and I know this is something of a long shot but the rest of us have tried and failed. Maybe you can succeed, you would be the one to know the Maker's will better than the rest of us after all. If you can't make her budge by morning..."

He could see the distress in the mage's eyes. It occurred to him then that she was begging him to at least try and save the only family she had left aside from the other companions. Even her friends from the Circle were gone now and any templars she might have managed to befriend as well.

"I...I will try..."

Sebastian would not have said he waited for Bethany to leave out of nervousness. He was simply...rehearsing what he would tell Hawke. Trying to figure out the best words and tone to take to bring her out of the shell she had pulled herself into.

He would not think about the fact that he was comforting her over the loss of Anders. Bethany's thorns about him having lustful thoughts towards Hawke made him uncomfortable. It sounded like something Elthina had said when he tried to take up his duties as a brother again.

[i]"You are here in body and mind...but your heart seems to be divided."[/i]

Were they seeing something that he did not? Was he really...lying to himself?

No, nonsense. Elthina had meant that he was torn between his duty to Starkhaven and to the Chantry. Bethany was a girl just seeing things because she had a...limited view of the world and him in particular. Those who did not know him well could easily mistake a friendship with an admirable woman for a boyish crush.

Alright, he would go in and he had not a clue what he was saying but he murmured a prayer to the Maker to guide his tongue.

The first indication that things were far worse than he anticipated was the fact that there was a gauntlet on the floor in front of the open door. Hawke had always been meticulous about everything. Weapons and armor were always cleaned and put in their places along with everything else of hers. He remembered asking her about that and her laughing and telling him how she needed to have order in some part of her life, or she would simply go mad.

She sat on the bed, staring at her hands. She did not even acknowledge his presence or seem to have heard him. It was impossible to tell if it was a matter of knowing or caring that he was there.

"Hawke?" he asked as he stepped in a bit further, tip toeing through the trail of equipment she had left in her wake.

She looked at him then, eyes flat and empty in a way that worried him greatly. "Go away, Sebastian," she said quietly, as if the words took far too much effort to expel.

"Now I know you don't mean that, Hawke," he said in a soothing tone as he crossed over and sat down next to her. "You're just hurting from losing...from everything that has happened." That sounded better, it would not be good to mention the abomination's name after all.

"Surprise, the mighty Champion of Kirkwall can only take so much before she ceases to give a damn about the rest of the world," Hawke stated bitterly. "Save yourself the hour or so of just sitting here and go away."

"Hawke..." Sebastian said with a weary sigh as he stood up and shook his head. "Everyone is worried about you. It's not like you to just shut down like this when there are problems. Everyone is off packing right now, getting ready to board Isabela's ship and escape while they can. Do you really want this to be the last memory any of them has of you?"

"I don't care what they want," Hawke stated softly, her tone full of pain and causing Sebastian to pause for a moment.

"You...you don't care?"

Those pale colored eyes glared at him then as if he was a lunatic. "Yes, I don't care. You heard me."

Sebastian could see something flick in her eyes there and he had a moment of hope. It might not have been the route he wanted to take but an angry Hawke was far better than the zombie in front of him.

"Now I don't believe that. Surely you care about your sister. She is the only family you have left and you would want to take care of her."

"Take care of Bethany?" Hawke repeated before giving a bitter laugh. "Have you seen my track record lately, Sebastian? I couldn't defend my little brother against an ogre during the Blight. I lost my little sister to the Circle because I wasn't here to make sure she stayed out of trouble. My mother died because...because I wasn't fast enough..." she finished, her words starting to choke. "I killed...my..."

She looked down at her hands again. As if they had sprouted claws or were covered in blood even though they were normal and if anything showed signs of vigorous scrubbing. Tears gathered in her eyes even as they seemed to focus on things past.

Sebastian stepped over, taking icy hands in his own in hopes of keeping Hawke in the present and not walking down a path of maybe and what ifs. "Hawke...you did what you could for your family. You still have Bethany. She's very worried about you, as is everyone. They are your family too. Aveline, Varric, Isabela, even Fenris and Merrill. Are they not family? They only have your best interests at heart unlike And-"

He cut himself off but Hawke's eyes narrowed, filling in the name easily. "Ah so there it is, here to rub an 'I told you' so in my face then?"

"No, I am not," Sebastian said with a frown. "Hawke you did a good thing ridding the world of that maleficar."

"Do not call him that!" Hawke snapped. "He was a good man."

"Good? The bastard used you to blow up the Chantry and murder Elthina!" Sebastian snarled back. "He had a demon inside him and was a walking bomb at best. What in the Maker's name was 'good' about that?"

"Shut up! He spent so much time trying to help people! He was always in his clinic helping the sick, putting out milk for stray cats... He came to make sure I was alright after Mother died. Does a bastard do those things?"

"All very admirable traits...that doesn't mean he wasn't a monster that murdered an innocent woman to start a war," Sebastian hissed crossing his arms.

"No..." Hawke stated looking defeated. "He was human...gloriously so with all the potential that possesses. He wasn't perfect and he never once gave the illusion that he was. Which is more than I could say for others."

"Wha-what is that suppose to mean?" Sebastian demanded, stuttering in a bit of shock from her tone and her words.

"Why, it means you're an asshole, Sebastian. Was I not clear enough for your delicate choir boy ears?"

"So you are going to throw a childish temper tantrum because I spoke the truth about your dead boyfriend?" Sebastian asked. His tone regal, prince to peasant.

"Oh, excuse me, good serrah," Hawke stated then, words sweet but full of poison as she gave an exaggerated motion that would have been a curtsy if she ever wore a dress. "Shall I shine ye holy chamber pot milord?" she asked, her tone insolent as she purposely deepened her accent. "I'm just some barbaric Fereldan, what would I possibly know about anything in the world."

"Enough!" Sebastian swiped a hand as if to knock the words out of the air. "I don't know what I did to earn your ire..."

"Which would you like first? The fact that you never shut up about the Maker? That you seem to think you have the answers for everything and disapprove of things even as you come with to help me with matters? The fact that you sit and...what did you call it... 'waffle' about if you want to be the ruler of Starkhaven or a simple Chantry brother? Or how about your aggravating habit of trying to manipulate everyone around you to do the dirty deeds you lack the spine to do so you have a shiny conscience?" Hawke listed, ticking each off one her fingers.

"I do not manipulate people or need them to do my 'dirty deeds' as you call it."

The black haired woman's brows rose at that. "Oh really? Tell me then Sebastian, if I had refused to execute Anders what would you have done? Gone and got your fancy army in Starkhaven for one little apostate? He was sitting right there with his back to us! He wasn't even defending himself! One arrow to the head would have done it and I know you are that good of a marksmen."

"I would have..."

"Don't bother. We already know you lack the balls to be decisive. You have never made a single one in your life so why should you start anytime soon. I just hope that cousin or whatever relative of yours that is going to run Starkhaven is more of a man than you!"

Sebastian ground his teeth together as his fingers clenched on the armor covering his arms. "I will have you know I have made plenty of decisions in my life."

"Oh really? Like how much grease you should put in your hair?" Hawke asked, her words dripping with sarcasm.

"Enough Hawke..."

"Who should I argue with today? The broody elf or the blood mage?"

"Quit it..."

"Who should I get killed today? Already handled the family enemies...how about friends because I don't have the balls to force them out of the city when they're being stub-"

Sebastian did not consider himself a man possessing much of a temper. Sure he got angry when it was warranted, in this case he did not think so. Hawke was simply lashing out, it was a good sign and he was the only available target for the pain and anger she felt from her losses. He thought he could take that but her barbed tongue found the weak spots in the armor as easily as her daggers did in combat it seemed.

He knew what she meant by that comment. That if he had been more forceful or more ruthless maybe he could have saved Elthina. He had thought about it. He was hardly a saint and had connections to people that could have easily overpowered an aging woman and hurried her out of Kirkwall. He had been loathe to use them though because it was not a good thing for a person to do. Paying others to effectively kidnap a woman and transport her to Orlais?

It was not a good thing...but it might have been the right thing if only...

The guilt and anger at himself over matters exploded from Hawke's lashing at him with his own faults. His own hands slapped down on her forearms, surprising her and making her instinctively kick him to escape. Years of fighting had them automatically dancing out, move and counter before Sebastian used brute forced and pinned Hawke to the floor. As it was he was sporting a cut along his cheek from a broken vase smashing over his head and Hawke was likely to sport a number of bruises from where his grip had been more than restraining.

She gave an outraged little shriek as she bucked. He had her wrists though, pinned just above her head while he held her legs down with his own armored ones. The lankiness of his form a plus as he was far enough away that she couldn't even try to head butt him.

"Let me go! Let go of me now, you son of a bitch!" she roared as she shifted, trying to get out from under him.

"Not until we're both a little calmer about matters," Sebastian panted out. He wasn't use to getting into the thick of fights after all like Hawke was. He was rather surprised he managed to pin her at all and was grateful for his youthful years of wrestling with his brothers and always being the skinny one.

"I don't want to be calm! I want to stab you in that damn face until it's a smear on the carpet! I want you and the rest of the world to go away! Solve your own Maker damned problems for once! I want...I want..." She lost her words as a pair of sobs tore out of her, tears filling her eyes and running down her temples and into her hair. The fight leaking out of her until she just lay there like a rag doll except for the occasional shudder running through her. "I just want them all back..."

Sebastian moved then, shifting so he was sitting on the floor and pulling Hawke into his lap. He cradled her to him like he might a devastated child crying, rocking a little in hope that the motion would soothe. The Champion of Kirkwall simply wrapped her arms around his waist and cried like a baby, tears making a slight tinking noise as they hit the armor he wore.

It hit Sebastian then that he had never seen Hawke cry. Even after her mother's death and at the funeral. She had retreated into herself sure, was quiet and like an undead creaturethen as well. Bethany and Anders, though, had been able to make her smile, just the smallest bit here and there along with the others. She would smile when it was required and if anyone expressed concern afterwards she blew them off with a sarcastic quip. Had she ever dealt with the pain of her losses or had she just put her head down and moved on to the next crisis someone dumped in her lap?

They were all guilty of it as well, he realized. They were all content with the sarcasm and pasted on smiles. So long as Hawke helped them with whatever it was they needed of her.

Except Anders, from what Hawke had said, and that had Sebastian feeling just the slightest bit of guilt from everything.

"I'm sorry, Hawke..." he said though the words seemed so little as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head before settling his cheek there and staring into the flames of the fireplace. "I'm sorry you have lost so many that meant so much to you. That...so many of us just...took what we needed from you. We are here now though, trying to give back if you will let us." He nudged her chin up with his fingers as he spoke. Wiping away tears with a thumb as he felt something just...pull at his heart.

Vulnerability, that was it. It was like the tears, something else the archer had never seen in the short haired woman. She always seemed so capable of taking on anything, even if she had nothing but her own will and her bare hands. It sucked him in like the Fade did a mage, making him want to let her know she wasn't alone. She had the others...she had him.

He wasn't sure how it happened. He meant to use words, remind her with some bit of the Chant maybe that the Maker watched over them. That she was surrounded by family, they were all her family. Instead he found one hand cupping her cheek as he pressed his lips to hers.

It was...just to distract her a little. Just a small gesture of affection between friends or something. He did nothing more than press lips to hers and he wasn't going to do anymore, honest.

He felt the lightest touch on his cheek then, fingertips brushing against him as if checking the reality of him. She gave the smallest moan before she softened, her lips pressing back against his for a moment before he felt just the tip of her tongue touch them.

Sebastian groaned and the kiss deepened. His fingers tangling in the black, choppy locks as he tasted her, sweet wine that begged a man to keep drinking. The smells of leather, metal, and that surprising scent of lilies that always seemed to cling to her sinking into the blood and heating it. They shifted, he knew they did but he was too ensnared by the woman in his arms to really register it as his hands moved. The traitorous fingers running down Hawke's back and making her press against him as he cursed his armor's existence right then.

Just a touch...he just wanted to touch her skin once. He wanted to know if it felt like silk under his palms. He wanted just to hear a pleased sigh from her, just once. Wanted to hear her call his name...

The thoughts were enough to shake sanity into place. Andraste preserve him what did he think he was doing? Sebastian tore himself away from that tempting mouth, sucking in air desperately as he pulled away enough to see Hawke's face.

Lashes flicked before heavy lids parted to show those brilliant eyes. Her lips were plump from his own and her color was high. He watched her go white though as reality crashed in on her.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I was just..." Sebastian started, stumbling over his words in his embarrassment.

"It's alright," Hawke said before looking about, as if collecting where she was. "Um...would you mind letting me up?"

The green-eyed archer blinked for a moment before realizing he had Hawke on the floor again, this time apparently pinned for a very different reason. Sebastian could feel his cheeks heat as he beat a hasty retreat and stood. "My apologies. I...I shouldn't have...taken advantage of the situation like that...I really didn't mean to."

"Sebastian...shut up," Hawke stated in an annoyed tone as she took an interest in her toe, rubbing the boot tip into the floor. "I said it was alright. It was just...a reaction to rioting emotions and that human need to check if you're still alive in the face of...death."

"Right...that...makes sense."

Silence descended and stretched uncomfortably. Neither knowing what to say and feeling awkward from things. Sebastian wondered what was going through Hawke mind and might have asked but Bethany had sent him in here on a mission.

"I am...sorry about all your losses, Hawke, even Anders. I did not like him or agree with him. I saw just an angry mage whose hate was spilling over and putting everyone and everything at risk. That is what he was to me. He was more to you, though. I might never know what you saw in him but I can respect you and not speak ill of your dead...and be here when you need a shoulder to cry on."

There, that sounded right for matters. Respectful, compassionate, kind...everything Elthina had taught him to be as a brother of the Chantry.

Hawke simply stared at him, blinking for a moment before giving a nod. "Thank you, Sebastian."

The archer gave a bow then, a courtly mannerism more than one expected from a servant of the Chantry. It felt right, though, as he straightened before looking about nervously. "Shall we get you packed up and on Isabela's ship then? Before Aveline breaks down the door and takes you at sword point?"

Hawke smiled just a bit at that, chuckling quietly. "All right, since you lot are not going to leave me to my grisly but peaceful death here. I would like to make some stops along the way, though, if you wouldn't mind."

They visited the grave of her mother, the docks, and the crater that had been the Chantry. Hawke left flowers that she had plucked out of a vase from home at each one. Some for her mother, ashes in the ground. Some for her brother, lost across the sea. Finally some for the man she had loved that had died at her own hand. The body long since removed by the city guard for burning in order to keep it away from the demons that seemed to infest the city.

Sebastian said nothing at any point. Letting Hawke grieve as she would but simply standing near if she needed him. She gave a small smile of thanks when she was done before nodding to him to show the way to Isabela's ship.

The others were overjoyed to see her. Even Fenris smiled as Merrill gave a happy shriek and tackled Hawke to the ground while wailing. Sebastian noticed more than one funny look being shot his direction and excused himself to seeing their things stored while the others monopolized Hawke.

When he had everything stored away and he was sure no one was around to see him he sat on a cot with the weariness of a man putting down a burden and trying to steel himself for the next.

"Elthina...I think...I'm in a spot of trouble..."


End file.
